Showing posts with label moms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label moms. Show all posts
Friday, September 9, 2011

Finding Me Time

8:00 AM | Posted by Heidi-rose | | Edit Post

Something I’ve struggled with in my life as a mom is finding time just for me.  This isn’t the time to take to clean the house (must vacuum playroom), cook a meal (need to figure out tonight’s meal), put away laundry (3 baskets are waiting for me), or any of the other household tasks that exist (see list).  This is time for ME.  To do what I want.  I constantly remind my friends that even though we are moms we are not just Mom.  We existed as a person with interests and goals before we took up the mantle of motherhood.  And we need to continue those interests.  I feel it’s important to show my children that just because they become parents doesn’t mean their other life needs to stop.

Writing Tools
Photo Credit: Gaius Valerius Flaccus
I’ve recently enrolled in a writer’s boot camp at a local writing center.  It’s one night a week for four weeks.  I’ll be going back to one of the activities I have always loved.  We’re doing this as a trial.  If this goes well we’re going to try and get me more time to take writing classes or to work on the pieces I have started and in my head.  I find I am a much happier person if I have at least one creative outlet.  Writing, as I was once told, is good for the soul.  It helps take our inner thinking’s and puts them outside. 

gym equipment
Photo Credit: Jack Lyons
I’ve also started up at a gym.  I try to go at least two nights a week, and a time or two on the weekends.  It does take some time away from my husband and occasionally from my kids.  I think of it this way, I can either take a few hours here and there to be healthier and feel better thus extending my life.  Or I can take that time off from the enjoyment of their lives and the end of my own.  I’ve even spent some extra money on three sessions with a  personal trainer. 

It isn’t much.  But just those few steps have already made me feel better about myself and me still being Heidi-rose and not just Mom.  It makes me feel freer and able to stop worrying about all the chores and tasks and enjoy the time with my kids.  Because it reminds me that not only am I still an individual, but so are they.  And they need me to be whole so I can be wholly with them.  
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Monday, August 29, 2011

We are not circus performers.

8:00 AM | Posted by Heidi-rose | | Edit Post
Photo Credit: danilola
A juggler throws up a ball in the air, no problem.  Now adds two, three, four.  We watch in amazement as they manage to keep everything going in smooth simple arcs.  Now someone throws a larger ball into the fray, after a moment where we don’t think they’ll pull it off the juggler manages to keep going without much change in the rhythm.  A second person comes in and this time throws a fragile vase in.  Again, the juggler is able to keep everything in the air, although now the rhythm is getting more frantic.  A small child approaches and begins to ask questions, and talk, and ask for things that take at least one hand to do.  The juggler knows they must keep everything going and tend to the child, so they switch and manage to keep everything going using their head and one hand while helping the child with the other.  Now an adult comes in and needs to talk to the juggler, ask questions that require some thought, and wants to have a full conversation.  All the while the juggler is trying to keep four balls, one large one and a delicate vase in the air while helping a small child. 
London Juggler
Photo Credit: Leon Benjamin

Sound familiar?  It’s what a lot of parents do each day.  Sometimes we’re lucky enough to have another adult who will step in to help the child, take some of the balls out of the air, or even take over juggling all together.   Sometimes we end up dropping something, not being able to help the small child just right then, or aren’t able to talk to the other adult until later.  The problem comes in that we expect ourselves to be able to handle all of that.  Day in and day out we demand, of ourselves, that we juggle all of that and help the people asking us to help them without stopping to consider our own needs.  We also rarely ask someone else to help us.  We expect perfection of ourselves.  The fact is that even the best of us can’t do it all alone.  Sometimes we need to have someone else take over, even just one of the items we’re juggling.  But we often do not ask help.  Whether that’s because we’re afraid or just don’t know how doesn’t matter.  The fact is that we don’t ask for help as much as we should.  Our fears about asking could be because we don’t want to be rejected. We may fear that people will think we are unable to do anything without help.  We worry so much about appearing weak, but asking for help is not a weakness, it is a strength.  We worry so much about what others think of us that we can’t bring ourselves to ask for help.  
Help!
Photo Credit: Dimitri N.

Sometimes what makes us great parents, what makes us truly great people is not our ability to do it all on our own or juggle everything.  What makes us great is our ability to admit we can’t do it all and to get help.  So next time you’re struggling to juggle everything at once stop and admit you need some help.  See if someone will take one of the things out of the air for you, maybe even two or three.  And maybe see if you've taken too much on and need to step back and let something fall.  Even if that vase breaks, it's just a vase.  Don't expect too much from yourself.

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