My husband, Adam, left this morning for a conference in Houston, TX.  He's gone to conferences before, but this is the first one since Rowan was born.  I always have had a lot of respect for single parents, when he's gone that respect just grows and grows.  Each conference he's gone to has presented me with new and different challenges as a parent.  The first conference Kara was just a year old and she got her first big illness.  I was unable to get much sleep or food.  All she wanted was to lay on my lap and be held.  Going to the bathroom was an adventure: have you ever tried to hitch your pants up when your child is strapped to you and throwing up at the same time?  Other conferences I've had the joys of explaining to Kara why her dad isn't there and why he wasn't going to be home for x days.   I got quite skilled at keeping her distracted from his absence.  This time though I am presented with 2 new challenges.  The first being that I now have two children, one that is awake frequently during the night and needs much of my attention (and body).  The second is one I had not thought of before.

How do you express emotions around your children?  Prior to Kara when Adam would go to a conference I would have cried a bit, gone home, eaten junk food and watched TV, read some books, done a puzzle and stayed up way past my bedtime.  Now I know better than to spend my time watching TV, staying up late and eating junk food.  I'm sure I'll read plenty of books and may do some puzzles. Granted the books may not be more complicated than naming dinosaurs and the puzzles will have less than 50 pieces.  But what to do about the desire to cry?  Do I show Kara how sad I am that her dad has left?  Do I let her see how worried I am about how our time alone will go and his safety?  Or do I keep a stiff upper lip and keep on going as if nothing has changed?  If I don't express my emotions, in a healthy way that is, am I teaching Kara to not acknowledge her own emotions?  Does that teach her to be a stoic and afraid of emotions?  If I show her the tears does that then lead her to fear and worry when she shouldn't have that burden?  Will she feel she needs to take care of me since I am sad?  This also leads me to examine how we deal with Kara's tantrums and other outbursts of emotion.  Right now we ask her to calm down and say that once she is calm we can talk about what is bothering her. But does that teach her that she shouldn't express the emotion?  Would it be better to say "wow, you are really sad/angry/upset.  Let's take a moment to be that way, then we can calm down and talk about what has made you feel that way"?  We do try to acknowledge the emotion by saying "you sound really sad", but is that enough?  Do we need to give her more space to feel and express the emotion?  I want to raise children that are not afraid of their emotions and can express them in a healthy way.  I don't want them learning to stuff their feelings down or to think that it's not ok to let others know how they are feeling.  Emotions can be powerful and influence our thinking more than we often realize or admit.  To have a healthy relationship with emotions would allow them to recognize, feel, and then move on past the emotions so they do not influence their decisions excessively.  The question is- how to achieve that.

Submitted by Heidi-rose Creuzinger, member of NorthMetroDCMommies.  Heidi-rose blogs at Terror at 3 Feet & Rising.

How Well Do You Know Your Neighbors?

If you grew up in the kind of neighborhood I did, then you remember people sitting out on their front porches in the evenings, kids playing out in the neighbors yard until it was too dark to see and the mad rush to the ice cream truck when that little jingle was first heard on the street.

Nowadays, that scene is almost non-existent. Many parents are working late, then have to pick up the kids from their day care provider and rush home to make dinner, spend a little quality time with the kids and then off to bed to start all over again. Parents are worried that the streets aren't safe. People drive everywhere, and the most you see someone is when you are both getting into your car at the same time.

There are many benefits to having a close relationship with your neighbors. Research shows that neighborhoods where people know each other by name and are connected to one another have lower crime rates. It has even been shown that kids who live in tight knit communities do better in school.

Maybe it is time for us to bring back the days of yesterday, and get to know our neighbors. One way you can do this is by making a neighborhood directory. Send a letter (or even better, deliver it in person) asking your neighbors if they would like to be included in a neighborhood directory. A sample letter can be found here. Have them complete a form that provides you with information to put in the directory. A sample form can be found here. Once you have collected the completed forms, print a directory and distribute it to your neighbors. You can also email the directory to them to save on paper costs.

Another idea is to start a website for your neighborhood. You can get a free website from Geocities (http://www.geocities.com) or Neighborhood Link (http://www.neighborhoodlink.com). You can put a calendar of events in your area on the site, or perhaps list the email addresses of the residents. A bulletin board can be used to post announcements or special needs.

What about an old-fashioned potluck dinner or backyard barbecue. Invite your neighbors and ask them to bring a covered dish or dessert to share! What a wonderful way to get to know the people in your neighborhood. You might enjoy it so much that you turn it into a monthly event!

In this day and age, it is even more critical that we know those who live around us. Our very safety might depend on it. But there is also so much joy to be found right in your backyard! A host of new friends (and babysitters!) can be found just a stone's throw away from your front door. And perhaps, all of your neighbors are just sitting there waiting for you to make it all happen!

Originally posted on CharlotteMommies.com

Or should I say "Well Balanced Moms Are More Fun?" Let me ask you, When was the last time you had lunch with some girl friends, or went on a girl's night out? When was the last time you went on a romantic weekend getaway with your spouse? If you can't remember, we definitely have to talk.

It's so easy to fall into the mommy guilt trap. We feel guilty if we take time for ourselves, so we end up taking care of everyone in the family but us. It's easy to lose ourselves in the quest to become Super Mom. Along the way we get stressed out and aggravated. It's important to do something just for us to stay balanced moms. Here are some ways for you to get started on your journey to rediscover YOU.

1. Get together with some girlfriends. One of the best ways to rediscover yourself is to spend some time with your girlfriends each week. Have lunch together, go to the movies to watch the latest chick flick, or plan a girl's night out every once in a while.

2. If you are having a bad day, call one of your girlfriends to vent, or just chat. You'll be surprised how much better you feel and how it puts things back in perspective that seemed like the end of the world a few minutes ago.


3. Spend a romantic weekend with your spouse anywhere but at home. Go away for a romantic weekend with your spouse a few times a year. Rekindle your passion for each other and feel in love again, instead just partners in dealing with the everyday stuff involved in raising kids.


4. Go on a date every week. Get a sitter once a week and go on a date with your significant other. Spend some time reconnecting with each other. If you have an activity that you both enjoy, take a class together.


5. Pamper Yourself. Do something every week to pamper yourself. Go get a new haircut. Visit your favorite nail saloon for a manicure, pedicure or to get your nails done. Call your favorite day spa and schedule a facial. Get a massage.

If you are on a budget, pamper yourself at home. Send Dad and the kids to the park. Take a hot bubble bath and paint you toenails. Honey makes a quick facial. Place a cloth in warm water and apply to your face to open the pores. Smear on honey, and leave on for 15 to 30 minutes. Rinse off with warm water.

Don't feel guilty about taking time for yourself a few times a week. Your kids will appreciate it when they get a balanced and fun mom in return. You will be more relaxed, happier and actually be able to enjoy your family. After all, that's why you had kids in the first place, didn't you?

Originally posted on SaltLakeCityMommies

provided courtesy of Royce Bair, http://www.tssphoto.com/index.php

With Father's day coming up I have been thinking of the fathers that have had an impact on my life in some way.  There are too many for me to really go into all of them so here are the ones that are foremost in my mind right now.

First off of course is my own dad.  The main thing that I remember about my dad is how much he loves to play and be silly.  He has always been good with kids and even to this day I enjoy being silly and crazy with him.  While I do remember him being more of an authoritarian and we often clashed (or as my family would say "often frequently") I also loved the quiet times where we'd sit by the camp fire talking about nature.  To this day I look up to him and seek his advice.  I may not always agree with what he has to say, but I still value it.



Next up is my brother.  Growing up I often (again, "often frequently") tormented him.  But I also felt protected by him and in many ways looked up to him.  He has always been very empathetic and cares about others deeply.  He is now a father of two.  The times we've been able to visit I love watching how he parents.  I love hearing the stories he has to tell and his strategies for dealing with different situations.  He too has inherited the fun, crazy and silly side of our dad. I have seen him comfort his sons with so much tenderness it would melt any heart.  Even during his stressed out times he has found ways to keep his cool and meet his kids needs.

Another person I think of is someone who recently died.  Don was more of a grandfather to me.  He was always very kind, calm and yet fun loving.  Don was a peaceful presence who welcomed and embraced everyone.   I remember many times I'd be sitting in his home and would just sit by his feet, just to be close to him.  I wasn't around him a lot during the years I could most have benefited from his wisdom, but he did teach me that sometimes a quiet smile and a peaceful presence is enough.




No list of fathers would be complete without my husband.  Adam has been an amazing teacher to our daughters.  He readily and easily will explain things to our eldest and will help her understand even the most difficult concepts.  He's tender with them both and his eyes light up when they give him so much as a smile.  I will always remember one particular moment with our eldest.  She was a new baby, we had brought her home less than a week before.  She was laying on the couch and he had a small duck that rattled.  I listened as he lightly tapped it to her nose and said "the duck is eating your nose! The duck is eating your nose!"  Then he paused as she looked at him and he said "that's silly!  Ducks don't eat noses.  No... they eat TOES!" and proceeded to have the duck "eat" her toes.  It was at that moment that I really felt he was going to be a great dad.

There are so many more dads out there that have inspired me and helped me learn through the years.  I cannot do service to even half of them.  So, to the dads that have been part of the village that raised me and to the dads that are part of the village I'm now raising my children in I thank you. 

So take a moment this Father's Day and remember those fathers in your life that have given you something, even as simple as a smile or a peaceful moment. 

Pulitzer and Nobel Prize winning author, Toni Morrison (image courtesy of The Oprah Show)