Showing posts with label Loss and Support. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Loss and Support. Show all posts
Monday, September 12, 2011
Remembering with Hope
2:03 PM | Posted by
Heidi-rose |
It’s still fresh in my memory. Like those who were old enough to understand when Pearl Harbor was attacked, I will always remember where I was when I first heard the terrible report. I was listening to NPR on my way to work and assumed the newscaster was talking about a plane crash. It wasn’t until I came inside and saw everyone huddled tensely around a TV set in the break room that I began to understand the enormity of what had happened. As the day wore on, regulars who usually chatted amiably as they paid for their groceries wandered down aisles with tear-stained faces and embraced each other in grief and consolation.
During the same morning hours, my sister-in-law was giving birth to her child in a San Francisco hospital. I can only imagine the emotions that must have warred in her as she held her little girl Sage in her arms. Stunned sorrow conflicted with the joy, hope and amazement of witnessing new life.
What stands out today is that hope was born in the midst of chaos and great loss, and our nation came together as one to comfort and lift each other up. As triumphant structures are erected at the site of Ground Zero, my hope is that we honor those who were lost and those who
sacrificed their health and safety to save others that day. The best way I can think of to do that in my own family is to continue to break the barriers of interpersonal discord by recognizing the common ground we all share as part of this nation and world. If we reach out, lift up, and carry one another’s burdens, we will have continued the legacy of those strong people who refused to let the events of 9/11 defeat them.
During the same morning hours, my sister-in-law was giving birth to her child in a San Francisco hospital. I can only imagine the emotions that must have warred in her as she held her little girl Sage in her arms. Stunned sorrow conflicted with the joy, hope and amazement of witnessing new life.
What stands out today is that hope was born in the midst of chaos and great loss, and our nation came together as one to comfort and lift each other up. As triumphant structures are erected at the site of Ground Zero, my hope is that we honor those who were lost and those who
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| Photo Credit: Beverly & Pack |
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Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Enjoying a Subsequent Pregnancy After the Loss of a Baby
June is the month that my first little girl passed from this life, so it always brings me bittersweet memories. There is a lot of love to go around and it may be hard to remember after a child dies that there could be love in a memory as well as love for a new child.
After coming to the realization that your little one is gone, getting out your anger, reaching for support and creating tangible memories, you'll realize that death is a part of life and that you did indeed conceive a wonderful little miracle, but he or she could not stay for whatever the reason. Coming to peace with your loss is also coming to peace with yourself. It's okay to say it... I had a child-My child died-My child passed away-I still have my child in my heart-And that makes me happy. ... and it’s okay to get ready, prepared, and excited for another baby on the way.
Loving a new child does not mean forgetting or abandoning the baby you lost- it means you are moving to a place where it is okay to smile and laugh again, with the utmost respect and love. Your strength to go on is not being disloyal to your child, it is being appreciative of the gifts he or she gave you. With the coming of a new child, you may have a roller coaster ride of emotions. You may feel anger, fear, anxiousness, immense joy, or denial. Acknowledging, discussing and accepting these feelings are the best way to overcome the grief and prepare for your new child. Pretending that you never lost a child and that this is your first pregnancy is a natural defense to protect yourself from sadness and give you a brief moment of joy while living in a memory, but in the long run, hiding and pretending will give way to reality.
Addressing the facts and coming to this resolution allows blame and depression to fade away. You can still feel sad- you will always feel sad, but you can accept that your child is no longer with you. You can accept that his or her life, as short as it was, had a meaning and made a mark on your life. You can accept that you have another baby on the way and begin to enjoy the developing life of your new child with joy, excitement and anticipation. Remember you are always a mom and loving both babies won’t dilute the intensity. Love multiplies, it never divides.
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